I realized that I do not know what that emotion is... I allowed my mind to drift and picture what an abandoned child perhaps thinks and feels... To somehow try to grasp the deeply till it hurts desire for their own family. That restless longing to belong...
One of the "longing till it hurts" experiences our family walked through was some years back... Forced, due to a downhill economy, to sell our lovely little house on the prairie. The home we not only had built, but we also helped to do it. We labored with our own hands, sweat, and time into this charming starter home. It graced 6 acres of open ranch land. We had our own pond and lots and lots of outdoor garden and play room space for what would later be our growing family. We built within our means, not fancy, but modern and beautiful.
Being the simple house that it was, we received many compliments..people were always surprised at the spacious living /kitchen area when they stepped inside..delighting in being a homemaker I loved decorating and keeping it cozy and country feeling.
We called this lovely rancher "home" for over 9 years.. It is at that house Cameron changed the "Home Sweet Home" all familiar motto with, "Sweet Home Sweet Home". ;) Our family realished home more than anywhere else! Michael was 2 1/2 when we moved in and as the years slipped by we filled our little sweet house with 4 more cuddlable kiddos. :)
I walked thro the years of healing over my mamas death in that house, and many many years later, I grieved my daddy's soon to be and passing. It was that house where first I saw my Mike literally make the choice in his life that he will step up to the spiritual plate with God's strength and without flinching, flexed his integral muscles that he would hit a home run. Not because he had the ability in and of himself to do so, but because he chose to place his trust in the One who did.
Our life became more and more beautiful with the passing of time, our love deepened, our commitment to Christ strengthened.
Then about 1 to 1 1/2 weeks after burying my sweet daddy, who went to see His Saviour, we drove away from our little house for the last time, to a temporary vacation home. I was carrying within my womb, with all his preciousness, our fifth child.
Mike's prayer as we drove away from our little house on the Florida praire will forever be a testimony to me of God's great faithfulness, "Thank you for the nine years You gave us to enjoy and now someone else can. Help us know that all is still good in Your eyes."
We had a six month commitment from the vacation rental owner, and then we would have to vacate the house due to regular yearly winter guest. That would take us to November.
Meanwhile, it was past saving our house, and we knew of an empty house on the very same road. It sat empty for at least 3 years. Before we moved from our house, we would take our gulf cart and go in the lane to the house and hope, dream, and pray. We looked in every window that we could! ;)
And Mike would think, "Who are we kidding?!" It would be our dream house.
Mike inquired about the house and we found out that it was listed on the market again and it was a foreclosure. We continued to pray, we fasted, having absolutely no idea of the even possible reality.
One night at about midnight, Mike was returning from another town and headed back to our rental, when he drove by the, what we called, "The Yellow House" and he parked at the end of the lane and prayed that we could actually buy this house.
Our longing, the waiting, our inability to do anything about it...we were homesick for the country. We were tired of using someone else's furnishings, as ours was in storage. We didn't feel settled, things were hanging in a temporary balance. We lived day by day, and the months were slipping by... We found out the house has a buyer and is scheduled for closing.
We waited, we prayed, we dreamed, hoped, and longed for our own home... A family member had offered to buy us a house to eventually rent to own, a house of our choice. We had told them of this house than found out it was not available.
Late late summer, after almost ready to settle on another country home, we got a call from our realtor that the yellow house is available as it fell thro with the other people..he said the bank was tired of it always falling thro and are ready to pull it off the market again. There were others ahead of us, we were told, but our realtor begged that we be given the opportunity to buy it as he stated that he is sure he has a buyer. We are down to about a month left in our rental and we were told foreclosed homes can take at least 6 months to buy....
But....not with God it doesn't... ;) About 1 month later, the end of October, we moved into our lovely and what we called and still do, "Our Yellow House". ( We don't live there anymore though as we moved to where the sweetest little Church is nestled near the Rockies.) :)
But the longing, the wait...we would sit around our rental apartment living room and turn all the lights out at night and dream out loud together with our little family, what all the inside of the house must look like... We drew pictures of the rooms as we dreamed they might be.... We were filled with the desperate longing to have that house..it's where we wanted to be, in the country, down the road from our little house on the prairie...
M and M's longings are more than all that....do they dream what being a part of a family must mean, what it looks like?? Are they filled with so desperate a longing that it hurts...? Do they pray, beg and pray some more to our Heavenly Father that He would do what they never could??
Yes, yes, I am sure they do!! And it is something we cannot ignore.. We've had to remind ourselves, when others haven't understood our adoption, that it is us that are being called, not them. God has taught us to extend grace and understanding when others don't see it this way. It is our responsibility. We don't feel capable and equipped of ourselves, but we rest in His heart and His ability to carry His own heart's desire out.
We still have a road ahead in our adoption of M and M and would love and be honored to have your prayer support.
If you care to support this adoption financially, there is a donate button on the top right of this page.
We thank you and bless you In advance!!
Also our picture puzzle fundraiser is still going. It is $10 to sponsor a puzzle piece(s) where we will write your name on the back of the piece and when the puzzle is complete, we will frame it in a double-sided frame assuring M and M of the many people's love and support that brought them home!!!